Awkward Moments
If you’re an educated deaf person living in a small Deaf Community, you become well known quickly. And here where I live, in the same place where I grew up, I’m definitely a familiar face and name to many. This can cause some socially awkward moments though. I’m sure many of my fellow v/bloggers, especially those from Deaf families can empathize with me over this…
I was out at a fund raising event the other night, and I saw a group of women come in, and several were familiar faces, but one woman had such striking eyes that it captured my attention from across the room. Later that evening, a colleague of mine sat down with them, and I know I shouldn’t do this, but I’m too shy to randomly chat up complete strangers without some kind of introduction, so I took advantage of the opportunity and headed over there.
As I hoped, my colleague introduced me to the group, but he then also mentioned who my mother was, which was kind of inappropriate in that setting. One of the women said, “I know who you are. Good to see you again.”
Right. And I have no clue who this woman is. I’ve seen her at events before, but we have never talked, ever. It’s easy for people to remember who the deaf person is, especially someone like me and my colleague, because we’re well-educated and can carry on intellectual conversations. But that doesn’t mean just because they know who we are, also means we know who they are!
So I just smiled politely at her, unsure how to get her to introduce herself. Fortunately for me, or so I thought, the woman with the striking eyes then says, “Oh I’ve heard you and your mom’s names before. I’ve heard good things.”
“Which one of us?”I inquired. After all, both of us are well-known and in fact, I used to be known as her daughter. People would say my name and others would go, ‘Huh?’ then they would say, ‘She’s Celeste’s daughter.” An exclamation would usually follow, and I would be welcomed with open arms. *shakes head*
Though due to my activism that’s changed, fortunately. People no longer need to know who my mother is, to know who I am. A new twist appeared, however, by me asking that question, which turned this into an even more awkward situation. The eyes that were so captivating, narrowed just slightly, clearly a bit confused by the question. With a polite smile she said, “Your mom.”
….. *clears throat* ….. Only after that uncomfortable pause, proper introductions were finally made. *shakes head again*
And some of my friends wonder why I’m usually ill at ease at large social gatherings! 
We Want To Be Controlled
It’s time for another The Deaf Edge rant. Now, this isn’t meant to sting or insult people. This is merely my feelings based on what I am observing. I already posted a very similar version of this on Tayler’s DeafRead official blog, but since that thread is winding down, I thought I would re-post and elaborate more on my own blog.
I do not understand why people are still upset over DeafRead’s upcoming changes. Tayler and DeafRead are going to release a version of DeafRead where you can customize the list of v/blogs that you can read/view. In essence, they are empowering us to be more selective in what we want to read and/or view.
Yet we have people saying, “No. This solution isn’t any good. I want the CI v/blogs gone, period. I don’t like them, therefore it shouldn’t exist for anyone and I want DeafRead to do all of the work for me.”
It seems to me that people want to be controlled, instead of being empowered to make decisions for themselves. They want to be told which blogs are good or bad, and what’s Deaf-centric and what’s not and so on. Why else would they want DeafRead to do all of the censoring instead of doing it themselves?
But then, I can kind of understand that. It’s a lot easier to live your life, if someone else’s making the decisions for you. And sadly enough, historically the Deaf Community has had others making the decisions for us. Our parents made all of the decisions for us. Our doctors. Our educators. Everyone, except for ourselves.
And so the self-repression and lack of self-empowerment marches on…
Note – I used repression as defined by www.m-w.com: a mental process by which distressing thoughts, memories, or impulses that may give rise to anxiety are excluded from consciousness and left to operate in the unconscious
Audism Runs Amok in Hollywood!
There’s an uproar in the Deaf Community over how we were portrayed in the recent episode of ‘Cold Case’. A Deaf person murdered a cochlear implanted person over the implant. Now, I haven’t seen the episode myself, but a comment (#31) over on MishkaZena’s blog caught my attention.
This person is basically saying we’re getting upset over nothing, we’re too sensitive, being unrealistic, and s/he’s tired of listening to our complaints.
You know what? When Hollywood consistently portrays a minority in a negative light, that is an issue. The media plays a huge role in shaping public perception.
Don’t believe me? Look at how the movie “Jaws” impacted the audience’s opinion of Great White sharks. That movie barely had any grounding in reality, but after the movie’s release, the population of Great Whites actually declined and people would be more fearful of swimming in the ocean.
If it was that bad for sharks, imagine how bad it is for minorities.
Look at how Hollywood presents gays/lesbians, for instance. I cannot tell you how many people still think that all gay males are feminine or that lesbians are masculine. Where did those misconceptions come from? It obviously didn’t come solely from Hollywood and rest of the media, but it sure did play a big role.
Those minorities fought back, and no longer are the African-Americans and Native Americans being cast in such a negative light on a consistent basis. It’s slowly changing for the gay/lesbian communities as well, but it still has a while to go.
In terms of the Deaf Community, Hollywood’s recent presentation of us has been mainly negative. Those who ASL Deaf are supposedly rabid CI haters who would resort to murder to stop the spread of CIs. Give me a break! If they varied it’s portrayal of us, then I along with so many others wouldn’t be objecting to what’s going on.
What’s the Matter with Interpreters?!
Right now I should be finishing a research paper for a class, then studying for two upcoming tests this week. But I’ve just had it with incompetent interpreters and it’s not like I can insert my rant into my research paper. And so, my rant is basically this: What the heck is wrong with interpreters lately?!
Why is it that so many interpreters cannot understand fingerspelling? Now, I understand my fingerspelling isn’t the best in the world, but seriously… Do I have to give a second per letter? How slow do I have to go? I don’t have the time to be s l o w in class or in a limited time situation. I just don’t understand. Maybe I’m too hard on others when it comes to fingerspelling, because the majority of the time, I know what the word is halfway through due to context. And I don’t need the person to slooooowly fingerspell it out. What does it have to take to improve hearing people’s receptive skills?
Speaking of receptive skills, it is truly strange to me that American Sign Language seems to be the only language where students, particularly hearing students, tend to have better expressive skills than receptive skills. In every other language, it is the other way around, and if someone’s expressive skills are better than their receptive skills, usually that would be just cause for a battery of psychological and neurological tests to find out what’s wrong!
Then we have the problem of when it comes to general academic terms, many interpreters show their lack of education by not being able to interpret the concepts properly into ASL. Half of the time, they fingerspell the word when there is a sign for it, and the other half of the time, they use the wrong sign.
I actually had an interpreter this semester who signed role call instead of roll call, and the way the interpreter signed call was the sign that meant summon in English. So I’m sitting there going, “Role summon?” then a light bulb went off in my head, “Ohhhh. Roll call.”
I’m fortunate that I have a good grasp of the English language, so I’m able to compensate for the interpreter’s incompetency, but you know, it gets tiring. This is exactly why I want an interpreter who has a minimum of a Bachelor degree and a QA 3. My ideal interpreter would have a Master degree and be RID Certified. Those interpreters who have those credentials are truly the only ones who can keep up with me and appropriately voice for me, matching the register, intent and mannerisms of what I’m saying.
That interpreter who made the roll call error had a QA 2, which is the intermediate qualification an interpreter can have here in Michigan. I ended up having to fire her. I gave her ample opportunities to recuse herself and I was hoping she would just recuse herself and save us the agony of having me to fire her… but nooooo. She had to stick it out, causing me to fire her. Talk about an awkward situation.
That’s another thing I don’t understand about interpreters. Why are there so many interpreters who refuse to recuse themselves, when they know damn well that they should?! It’s part of the code of ethics, but I see so many interpreters who are out of their league, and they just stay there, and do a half-assed job. It makes the interpreter look bad, and it makes the Deaf client look bad, when the interpreter can hardly voice for the client!
Right now, I’m scratching my head, wondering how the heck those interpreters passed the QA test. Something is very wrong with the Michigan QA test. It wasn’t like this when Chris Hunter ran the Division on Deafness and Hard of Hearing. Interpreters were truly qualified… and now… they aren’t.
*sighs*
Call to Arms – Lying To Ourselves?
Deaf Education. That word carries so much meaning and controversy. A ideological war has been waged over Deaf Education for the past two hundred years. Now, I am seeing people call for arms for deaf children and babies to be given the right to access American Sign Language so that they may receive the opportunity to a good education.
By no means am I opposed to that. I am heartened to see the increasing exchange of knowledge and a growing maturity on our part. We are starting to come into our own and ensure our right to American Sign Language.
What puzzles me however, is that despite the call to arms for American Sign Language in Deaf Education, there is an eerie silence regarding North Carolina School of the Deaf. Initially there wasn’t enough information for me to throw in my support one way or another. But now, I feel that there is enough information for myself and others in the Deaf Community to support the students, parents and staff of NCSD.
Yet, I see no wide outcry of support for NCSD. I see no organizations of and for the Deaf coming in to help the students, staff and parents of NCSD. This leaves me with some difficult questions in my mind. Why is there such a loud silence? Is it because people know picketing at NCSD won’t work and they rather just picket, and nothing more?
A call to arms to me, means doing everything possible under the sun. Documenting what happens, damned the ire of others. Being not anonymous. Dealing with personal confrontations professionally and documenting it afterwards. Organizing with like-minded individuals who share your concerns and pooling together the documents. Speaking with the government about what’s going on and showing them the evidence. Helping others learn those tools. Giving support to others who need it.
It’s not glamorous. It’s not easy. It’s not something that will land you on the front page of the newspapers immediately. It’s not gonna get you on national news because there’s almost no opportunity for you to make yourself a martyr.
But the fight at NCSD and similar places goes at the core of what matters in Deaf Education. That is where the trenches are at. That is where the battles are won, and ultimately, the war. Where are we? Why are the trenches empty?
Rant Redux
I thought I would repost an essay that I wrote before I began blogging. This essay also happens to be one of my very first blog posts. I thought it would be worthwhile to repost it, due to the controversies going on DeafRead. I am hoping it will give an insight to the hearing readers into the mind of a culturally Deaf person.
Without further ado, my infamous rant.
———-
I am stone-cold Deaf. I do not consider myself to be disabled. I can read and write far better than the average person at my age. I can do anything just as well as any average hearing person. The difficulties I have with being Deaf is how people judge and treat me.
I have been asked if I could read and write. My hearing friends have been questioned about my mental capacity from strangers who have never met me. My friends and I receive dirty looks when we use ASL to converse in public. People have approached me, only to blanch and leave when they realize I am Deaf. One woman, jealous of my writing skills, submitted me to public humiliation by standing up in class and accusing me of turning in a paper written by my mother in order to receive an “A”.
My Deaf friends have been abused sexually, physically, emotionally, and mentally, simply because they were Deaf. Furthermore, they cannot get justice for these inhumane acts, because just by being Deaf, their credibility is in question.
Hearing educators, arrogant in their assumptions, have integrated Deaf people into hearing classes. Most Deaf students go through school without a bilingual education, therefore forcing them into a system about which they are unaware. Through social promotion, they are advanced without learning anything. The highest level that my Deaf classmates ever attained was a sixth grade education.
People keep decrying, “How do the Deaf know when they are in danger?”
Being Deaf is not dangerous. We have ample warning if we are in danger through pagers, phones, television, strobe lights, and our own eyes.
People then ask, “How can the Deaf really experience music?”
One need only experience a small portion of the songs and poetry in ASL to realize that they are some of the most beautiful works ever composed. Our hands are our voice. Our faces convey our emotions. Some things expressed in ASL can never be properly translated.
One needs only stand still and feel the rhythm, to feel the vibrations course through one’s body, to realize how we hear music that hearing people create.
To hear the rain drops patter down, we simply just have to place our hands on the windows. To hear the thunderous applause from an audience, we just have to look at the hands applauding.
We hold a baby, and see it’s laughter on it’s face. A toothless grin. To hear how people feel, a simple glance is only needed.
I can sit in the middle of a forest, and enjoy it. I see the birds and squirrels flit from tree to tree. I smell the freshness of the earth. I feel the gentle, warm breeze that carries wafts of various scents.
I can see a rainbow. I can see the pure white snow. I can see the beauty that is here on the earth. I can feel, smell, and taste it.
With a swish and twist of my fingers and hands, I can tell a joke that will cause a room full of people to burst out in laughter. With my hands, and my eyes, and my body, I can tell a story that will move people to tears. I don’t need a voice or ears to do it.
I can even sit anywhere, with people or alone, and simply enjoy the so-called silent world I am in.
I cannot properly convey the full beauty and depth of Deaf culture with words, because there are no words to describe it. As Deaf people, we cannot fully grasp hearing culture, and hearing people cannot fully grasp Deaf culture, even when one is immersed in the other. Therefore, all we can do is wonder how the other side truly experiences life and try to accept each other.
©Jeannette Johnson/A Deaf Pundit
CI Militants
MishkaZena is doing a CI blog series, and I’ve gotten so furious at Susanna, a CI mom who’s commenting over there, that I told her I’m done with her. And I am done with her. MishkaZena is done with her as well and Susanna has been booted out of her blog.
But you know what? I’m not done debating this. Susanna over there wrote, “Mishka, I think it’s possibly beneficial for the deaf community for you to post these blogs. But it may be entirely detrimental to parents who come across them in the early stages if they even consider choosing against a CI for an infant. That is my personal opinion. I am not neutral, I am speaking in favor of the choice which allows deaf infants to avoid such painful situations as Aaron described in his childhood.”
So is that what it takes? Only partial information about CIs? In other words, Susanna is here to promote CIs with only partial information. She is denying and arguing against the very notion that CI users could have and do have adverse side effects, such as headaches. Susanna is also telling us that she is not here for a dialogue like other parents are. And hearing parents wonder why the Deaf Community is so angry?
This is exactly why we are angry. Because we get brushed aside like we know absolutely nothing about this issue. Hello? We live this life. We live with the failed consequences.
Is that what it takes to convince parents to have their deaf children implanted – the subversion of the truth?
I also find it interesting that there’s no statistics tracking on the success/failure rates of the CIs. The CI companies do keep track of the mechanical failures, but why is it that there’s no tracking of the audiological failures? I don’t know about you, but it sure looks like hell to me that some people have something to hide.Not only is that enraging me, but when I read Rachel’s blog, about how the CIs were so successful for her. That part didn’t bother me, but what bothered me was her claim that ASL impedes speech. Tell me…. Where’s your evidence that one sense impedes the other sense? Where is your evidence that American Sign Language does impede learning of speech? WHERE IS IT?
We walk around everyday, using all of our senses. Hearing people walk around, singing to the music they’re listening. Does singing and listening impede their walking?
Our bodies was not physiologically designed to separate usage of one sense from the other. So when people like those two continue to whisper lies about American Sign Language impeding speech amongst themselves, other parents and to us in private… That’s when I and others get angry.
They wouldn’t dare say that lie in public, because then it would become far too inconvenient for them to explain why baby signs are booming, and why research paper after paper after paper, starting over fifteen years ago from the Salk Institute, showing that if you know American Sign Language as a baby, it increases your language acquisition abilities!
That’s when dialogue between the two worlds shuts down, and more and more deaf people become militant in response. That’s when the Deaf Community’s anger spills over in public, and all of the rest are stunned, wondering what the hell is going on. Well, I’m here to tell you right here and now in public: This is what is going on, and this is why we’re so angry.
It’s bad enough that so many of us have horror stories of parents who were so fanatical about the AVT method that there were threats to their own children, like that parent who stood up during a parents’ meeting and said, “If I ever see my son signing, I am going to hang him high up at Calder Plaza by his thumbs at high noon!”
What kind of message does that send us when there’s no wide-spread public condemnation from the hearing over those kind of comments? It’s only done in private. Never in public. Nobody is willing to stand up in public and say, “I’m sorry those things happened. What can I do to help to ensure this kind of thing will never happen again?”
I’ll tell you what it tells us when nobody is willing to do that. It tells us that people think we are second-class citizens. That people think we are a people to be subjugated, because English and speaking is superior to anything else, and we’re not intelligent enough to recognize that.
It also tells us that people think we don’t deserve equal communication access if we don’t speak or hear and don’t conform to their idea of what a human being should be like.
Bilingualism Equals No Deaf Identity?
On Jodi’s blog about deaf attacking deaf, an anonymous person wrote, “She isn’t willing to experience the emotions in her deaf feeling as she doesn’t feel a deaf identify. That is, she can speak in ASL fluently and write well. So, I don’t blame her.“
That anonymous person left a second comment, clarifying that the comment was referring to me.
So, is that true only for me, or is that true for all other deaf who write well? Does that also mean any deaf person who is bilingual has no deaf identity? How about MJ Bienvenu, the chair of ASL and Deaf Studies department at Gallaudet University? She has a B.A. in English, and writes extremely well. Does she not have a deaf identity? Or how about Ella Mae Lentz? If I remember right, she also has a B.A. in English. Does that mean Ella doesn’t have a deaf identity?
Let’s widen the implications of that comment and put aside bilingualism. How about people who identify themselves as more than just a deaf person, but also a gay person? A Latino? A bisexual Asian woman? The list can go on ad infinitum.
I’m also left wondering what ‘deaf feelings’ meant in that comment. I’ve always thought that feelings were a human thing. What exactly are ‘deaf feelings’?
I’ve experienced oppression that is unique to the deaf, like the readers of my blog serial know. Does that mean I have to hold onto my anger over that experience, or any other experience of oppression to be considered as a person who has a deaf identity? Is that part of the deaf identity – being forever angry and bitter at the hearing world and letting them know at every opportunity possible?
I would like to think that having a deaf identity is more than just being angry at the hearing. I for one enjoy Peter Cook’s gorgeous ASL poetry. I advocate on behalf of the Deaf Community, so we can get equal communication access. Almost all of my friends are Deaf, and those who are not, know ASL. I laugh at Deaf jokes, and deeply appreciate stories that are unique to us Deaf. I celebrate our diversity, deafness and American Sign Language.
But to that commenter and to some others probably, I don’t have a deaf identity. In other words – I’m Not Deaf Enough.
Revolution
Someone asked me today, “Do you think Deaf Culture is dying?”
I told her, “No… I think it’s undergoing a revolution. We are in the middle of a cultural revolution, in my humble opinion. I don’t know what the end result will be… Will it be the same? No… But it’ll still be there.”
It’s not very often that people can recognize that they’re in a moment of time that will have historical significance. What I am witnessing will definitely go down in the history books – the deaf history ones. It remains to be seen whether we actually make it in the mainstream history books. Only when it is over, will we be able to know.
I’m not speaking of how the advent of the blogs and vlogs has changed Deaf Culture… because there is absolutely no question that the v/blogs have had a drastic impact on the exchange of knowledge and interaction amongst ourselves and our relationship with society at large.
I’m speaking about the increasingly polar opposites that are arising from this revolution. I have mixed feelings as I watch this unfold. It vacillates between hope and despair, wonderment and repulsion.
On one side, you have the oral deaf who claim there is an oral deaf culture, because in their minds, if Deaf Culture is real, so is oral deaf culture. They therefore, have a stake in Deaf Culture and supposedly have a say in how it will evolve.
The oral deaf consider themselves to have a disability, and cannot live without hearing aids or cochlear implants, but deem to have a right to have their say in how Deaf Culture operates. Never mind the fact that those who consider themselves culturally Deaf, do not consider themselves to be disabled, or to even have a disability.
Never mind the fact that culturally Deaf persons’ norms are different than hearing norms in the sense where we would celebrate having a deaf baby, pass down language, traditions, and folklore that is not hearing. Do oral deaf do that? No. They pass down hearing norms – spoken English, the notion that they have a disability, horror at the thought of having a deaf baby, hearing traditions and folklore.
Never mind the fact that when a Deaf person encounters a person who doesn’t want to deal with them, such as a store clerk suddenly becoming inscrutable and cold upon the discovery of the person’s deafness… the Deaf person’s reaction is anger and the desire to be understood and respected by the clerk, whereas an oral deaf person’s reaction is, “I gotta speak better. I gotta fit in better, so this won’t happen next time. Are my hearing aid or cochlear implant batteries fully charged? Maybe this is why they didn’t understand me? Maybe I should’ve done something differently…”
Culturally Deaf people refuse to be supplicants. But the oral deaf insist upon telling us that we do have a disability and that if we are wise, we must fit in with mainstream society. We must conform to hearing society.
Then you have the opposite of the oral deaf… Culturally Deaf people who are so enamored of our culture and language that they now are claiming that we are a race of our own. Screams of how the hearing people have caused a holocaust in the education of the deaf, and how subjugated we have been, and the hearing must be emotionally punished for this.
Exhortation after exhortation for us to rise up, protest and commit emotional violence at every turn about how the hearing are committing cultural and linguistic genocide by implanting deaf babies, denying them American Sign Language and brainwashing the parents into thinking anything Deaf is evil. Any deaf person who does not know American Sign Language is considered to be dead, because their souls have been murdered by the hearing.
If one dares to disagree or plead for moderation, the person is labeled as a colonized deaf person. A person who internalizes audism, and is trying to oppress their fellow Deaf. There must be no room for individualism. We all must think and speak alike, because that is the only way Deaf Culture will ensure its’ survival in the wake of the genocidal cochlear implants and audio-verbal therapy philosophy.
As a self-proclaimed moderate, I am chilled and often despair at both of their mentalities. But I also rue at the painful irony … both of them are screaming for conformity.
But what gives me hope are the people who recognize where individualism is necessary and often a good thing. Hearing parents who might initially weep at the fact that their baby is deaf, but seek out us Deaf, and learn our language so that they may bridge that communication and cultural gap. Hope at seeing vlog after vlog, blog after blog, engaging in often painful, but authentic dialogue with both Deaf and hearing.
Hope at seeing hearing people recognizing the fact that they will never truly understand what being Deaf is all about, recognizing the fact that our educational system is in shambles and that we need to do something about it. Recognizing the fact that too many of us have been denied American Sign Language for far too long and having the courage to stand by and let us grieve at the injustices committed to us instead of trying to pacify us because it’s just too damn uncomfortable for them to witness.
I have hope because I also see other Deaf standing up and saying, “No, I refuse to conform to hearing society’s expectations of what I should be, but I will not conform to the notion that I am a race apart from the human race. Only I will determine who I am.” I smile at seeing us demanding critical thinking, being willing to question authority, whether it be hearing or Deaf, and standing up to condescension, willful ignorance, prejudice and discrimination.
Because of those things, I hold out hope that we all will recognize that we all are individuals but also as a collective – an unique thread in the fabric that makes up humanity. I hold out hope that in the end, our cultural revolution will go down in the ages as the beginning of something great for all of us, Deaf and hearing.
Sorenson VRS *not* Deaf Community Friendly [ASL Version]
For the non-signers, see my blog post here. I did a vlog, to make sure everyone understands what I am saying about Sorenson VRS.
