The Deaf Edge

Disclaimer: This is going to be one of my ranting blog posts. It has some profanity in it. You’ve been warned.

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I’m tired. I’m fed up. I’m sitting here wondering, ‘Will we ever get anywhere?’

Why is it that the Deaf Community is so resistant about being HANDS OFF with parents’ decisions? What gives us the right to come in and overrule parents’ decisions when it comes to their children? If we truly know what’s the best for deaf children, then why is it that we can’t get our shit together and put aside our petty disagreements and fight the good fight for just one moment? If we can’t get our act together, fight the good fight, and be role models for those children, then how can we say we know what’s best for them?

We have had people come in and make decisions for us, because they THOUGHT they knew what was best for us. Now we want to turn around and do exactly the same thing? Forget about learning from their mistakes, or what they even did right. Let’s do exactly the same thing back!

And why is it that the Deaf Community prefers to either admire or hate the messenger instead of directly analyzing the message itself to see whether it has any merit or not? Let’s think about this for a minute. Everyone is in agreement that no one size fits all.

Everyone agrees on that. Then the question is begged here… When people like me say that ASL works for MOST deaf children, but not all – and I mean deaf in the sense of the whole spectrum, not only profound to severely deaf – eruptions ensue.

You know what? I’m fed up. I live in a city where Oralism is very, very prevalent. Every time I step out of my house and see other deaf people, I see the damage Oralism has done to the Deaf Community. I can count on ONE hand and I repeat, ONE HAND, of deaf professionals that live here. And I would need MORE than four hands to count the deaf people I know that has been in jail, addicted to alcohol and drugs, and stuck on welfare thanks to the educational system failing them.

I’ve also sat by and watched many deaf professionals move here, make several failed attempts to do real change, then leave. They can’t deal with it. And lest you guys think I’m making this up, go ask Marvin Miller, the guy who tried to set up Laurent in SD, about Grand Rapids, MI. Go ask him and have him tell you about why he left Grand Rapids. Or even better, go ask Ryan Commerson why he won’t touch this area.

Let me share with all of you a story that I already posted on Ocean’s blog. A year ago, two friends and I were volunteering for the deaf services agency at a booth somewhere. All of us 3 are profoundly deaf, and all use ASL. One grew up in the Oral program, but despite the Oral program, he went on to succeed and learned ASL.

Anyway, a hearing woman stopped by our booth, with her children. One was deaf. Now, this child was in the Oral program, and the mother was unsure about the Oral program. She never outright said she was unsure, but it was pretty obvious to all of us. She was very curious and made every attempt to communicate with us in any way she could. A hearing volunteer who was with us at the booth interpreted most of time, though.

We all chatted about her kid, and the mother said she was trying her best, and general statements like that. Instead of blowing up at her and saying, “Then why did you put her in the Oral program, huh?!” we told her to trust her instincts, encouraging her, and told her that we were here to provide feedback, support and resources if it was needed. We also explained a bit of our backgrounds. This chit-chat went on for about 15 minutes or so.

That was the only time I saw that woman. Recently though, a friend of mine who works at the deaf services agency told me that the mother wrote a letter to the agency, thanking them for that day where she met us at the booth. Apparently that encounter was a life-altering moment for her. My friend said that she wrote, “I was never sure about what exactly what was right. My instincts were telling me one thing, but the experts were telling me another thing. The doctors and educators discouraged me to seek out the Deaf Community. They told me that the community was just full of angry failures, and they would take their wrath out on me for decisions that they disagreed with. But when I met those 3 at the booth that day… They proved the doctors and educators wrong. They were successful, HAPPY deaf professionals who used ASL. And my instincts turned out to be right as well – not the experts.”

That kid now is enrolled in the Total Communications program, and the mother is learning ASL along with the kid now.

Don’t you guys dare preach to me about the horrors of Oralism and about how you KNOW to deal with it, until you’ve shown me that you have lived the reality that I have ALL of my goddamned life. This isn’t something that’s abstract, only to be discussed on the blogs, to be immortalized in poetry, or to be glorified in protests for historians to look back upon.

I am culturally Deaf. I love and cherish my language, American Sign Language. But I am also a realist, and refuse to romanticize reality and I refuse to proclaim ‘No one size fits all’ then turn around do the fucking opposite, leaving behind a swath of rage and destruction in my wake. I’ll cut you all slack, when you cut ME some slack.